Fred and I shared a constantly Aspergillus-y two bedroom duplex in the bucolic neighborhood of Westbrae, Berkeley. We rode our bikes to school and terrorized the neighborhood in Fred's early 80's Volvo. We had a reptilian love child named Marvin. We had at least two good parties, many roadtrips of infamy, hip neighbors and a couchsurfer who parasitized us for FOUR MONTHS. Alas, back then we had cable too: Scott
A case of mood poisoning. Must be something I hate.-Wild Palms
What's the LD50 for mood poisoning?-Norm
New Jersey is only a prototype.-flier about alien invasion from Cometbus #34
So how about that Babylonian tupperware?-Josh on 7 shots of xpresso
Legalize suicide.-construction wall on Channing Way
So you saw Mother Theresa? How did she look? She's had work done you know.-Sterling in "Jeffrey"
I'm a whore for San Pellegrino...-San Pellegrino Appreciation Society
There's nothing sexier than a man who's not interested.-Erika Lopez
I tried to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade, but they wouldn't let me.-Smithers
I believe we have lost our sex appeal, Captain.-Tuvok
Forget tattoos and body piercing, add an epicanthic fold!-18 Mighty Mountain Warriors
--What's arugula?-Scott Thompson
--It's gay spinach.-Lea DeLaria
I don't know, I'm just a boy.-Malibu Scotty
Are we the filthiest people in a 7th Day Adventist camp?-Scott
Scott!-whenever me and Fred don't know the answer
You think you shit ice cream cones, is that it?
A family is like a gun. You point it in the wrong direction and you'll kill someone.-Trust
Pauliiiinnnne!! Lily called me a lentil eater!-Eleanor
My friend used to tell me that he like Asian girls because they were: little, yellow, different. Sounded like Nuprin to me.-H.Lai in Slant
Just call me Gregor.-Chuck, scurrying out of the light
What doesn't kill you, will only make you stranger.-Aeon Flux
--I like how you did the placental cell wall ingrowths with french knots.-Chuck
--How do you know what french knots are?-Prof. Linda Graham(suburban mom AND world class scientist)
Foster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!-the Itchy and Scratchy Show
Larvae on board.-bumper sticker
Armor goring tumor groin-murder's.-Ladel Rat Rotten Hut
Jesus saves you, but I won't.-Frozen Chicken Patty
--Don't you know the meaning of platonic ideal?-Scott
--NO! I wanna have sex with all my friends.-me
Existence is a fact it's not a right.-Fifteen
...a cute boy who was concerned with typical Freshman questions, like Is there life after Wham!?-The Rules of Attraction, Bret Easton Ellis
In the evening Tiny returned to the Western Flyer, having collected some specimens of Phthirius pubis, but since he made no notes in the field, he was unable or unwilling to designate the exact collecting station.-The Log from the Sea of Cortez, John Steinbeck
Nietzsche Pops: The Uberbreakfast.-Ben Hillman
I'm not letting anyone go to recess until I find out who replaced my birth-control pills with Tic-Tacs.-Mrs. Krobopple
PCR without Taq is futile.
PCR without Taq is futile.-Scottboard
--Ooo, the Erotic Adventures of Hercules.-Homer
--With Norman Fell as Zeus!-Marge
If you're looking for sympathy you can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.
These matched the numbers on the phone bill, leading me to assume that I must have actually dialed international information and phoned Scotland Yard at the end of each program to congratulate them on another job well done. Still though, that's nothing to get worked up about. Exceptional would be to find yourself on a plane headed to England, wearing a tweed cap and demanding that the stewardess put you in touch with Chief Inspector Tennison.-Barrel Fever, David Sedaris
You call this Postum?!-Mr. Burns
The ceiling isn't glass; it's a very dense layer of men.-Anne Jardim
...well maybe it's Fred's mom who's more well-behaved than you.-the fraternal unit(damn earth sign!) to my mom
The goddess Arugula: goddesss of circuitry and small cash crops, step-sister of Athena.- Scott(king of bullshitting...)
Don't get mad, get everything.-Ivana Trump in "First Wives Club"
Do a line? You mean...he's going to draw a picture on your tits with a Sharpie?-Tim Armstrong in straight-edge land
--What's retsina?
--Oh, you don't want that, honey...it'll take the paint off your car. It's not for femmes.-cute lesbian couple @ La Med
And the crab said to the clam, "Hey clam! Checkin' you out!"-Dave Grisman Quartet
Whole Earth Review and Soldier of Fortune--that's Marin and Humboldt County!-Scott
--Mom! He called me a neo-fatalist!
--You were predetermined, say it.-Bravo ad
She's not so young, she'll be 27 in 4 years!-LA Story
Sugar does not contain fat.-C&H Sugar Cubes nutritional advisory
Patrons of the Uptown Bar, on Capp in the Mission, are discovering the powder rooms to be bathed in deep blue light. When one regular was asked why, he replied the blue color was meant to discourage junkies from finding their veins.-Jack Boulware
I love Lorena Bobbitt. Do you know why? What she did is representative of what women have wanted to do for 2500 years.-Tori Amos
I think Pauline would like to study abroad.-rimshot from Scott
I think I know more about fungal anatomy than I do about female anatomy.-Fred, perplexed...
For the last time, Miller -- yes Picasso was a cubist; no that does not mean he was from Cuba.-Murphy Brown
They let you in their sorority?-someone in Pathotea to Rick Ostfelt
Oh Mother, the only thing you taught me about the Sabbath was that Bergdorf's wouldn't be as crowded.
--You think he's straight?
--Oh yeah, he's too boring to be gay.-The Mirror Has Two Faces
Oh that lucky candle.-guy at Karin's 30th birthday
No!! Not the Matisse!-Cosmonaut Ren
Well that's like blaming Hootie &the Blowfish for making my life boring.-Marilyn Manson
You make punk rock sound like Windham Hill.-Diamanda Galas to Iannis Xenakis
...why should I settle for local aneasthesia when the imported stuff is so much better?-Jack Mingo
I'm going to limit myself to two secondary metabolites at a time.-Fred
I hate reproduction furniture. In fact, I despise reproduction of any kind.-Jeanette Winterson
Aposomatic Girl! Champion of Warning Coloration!-me
How I learned to stop worrying and love the Moog.-Club Analog
Well gee, one more and I would've gotten the toaster oven.-Laura Dern
Las Vegas Skyline
bright, tawdry, childlike and loud
like U2, but worse-Gina Arnold
Some people think that from the point of view of bird endangerment, a distinction should be drawn between regular rice and Minute rice. These people are losers.-Cecil Adams, the Straight Dope
--Water?
--It's a mixer, sweetie.-Ab Fab
You may look like a Christian but the similarity ends there.-Pats
He who dies with the most toys is nevertheless dead.-Eric Oehler
You look like a tree that's etiolating!-Fred to Sean on fashion mistakes involving the color green
He said it as though men were exotic mushrooms growing in the forest and it took a keen eye to spot one.
"Now that's different," she'd say. "A living baby. All my grandchildren have been ground up for fertilizer or whatever it is they do with the aborted fetuses. It puts them under my feet but keeps them out of my hair, which is just the way I like it."-Naked, David Sedaris
Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87.-Heathers
There's no point in keeping up with the Joneses--you've got to drag them down to your level.-Quentin Crisp
And poor Fergie is out in Central Park selling her dresses on a blanket.-Joan Rivers
Supermodels say the darndest things.-Zorak
Romance is dead, Mom. It was bought out in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney.- Lisa Simpson
Personally, I find more hope staring at the hidden potential of a light-switch in the off position than Jesus on a cross.-Erika Lopez
corner.-the African Grey Parrot on Nature
What a silly Kandinsky!-the book cart in the UCB Art History library, also a generally useful exclamation in the splene n' Fred household
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